So...there goes that "so" thing again. It is past a year since I have posted a blog and I feel like my dearest reader(s) AKA me, Erica, must be so depressed by now. Well there has been a lot that has passed since a year ago. I have a paper due for SCHOOL tomorrow morning and I have only done an outline. Gee I am so super cool! I know it, no applause please. Anyway. I just ended a very fucked up relationship with a fellah named Joseph Marcello No last name. I know that no one would know him by that first and middle name anyway. So I guess I am heartbroken again. That makes four times in the past four years. Does that mean that I am right on schedule or that something is seriously wrong here? Hm...I am going to need some time to think about that. So yes Blog, I have cheated on you with myspace.com. I am so sorry and I seriously apologize for that. I miss telling my feelings to my shrink of a computer. It is so soothing and relaxing. Plus I just read all that I had to say a year+ ago and its kinda awesome that I made the present day me laugh pretty hard. Who knows if I am going to laugh at what I am today one day. I mean really, it is so true that we become more serious and "grown-up" like as we get older and ya know what?....THAT SUCKS! Severely. Anyway. Its raining outside. Shannon is going to kick my ass for not calling her back in our fantastic game of phone tag- I accused Pam of not calling me back when in reality she did but I just wasnt around my phone-Jen is in the bedroom next to me because I skipped school and went shopping today instead of writing the damn paper that I am going to be stressing about tomorrow morning and instead of going home I stayed here tonight-JD is hating on me because I fucked his whole shit up-my parents are never going to understand why I can't get through to them without yelling-my credit card bills are going to be talking to me tomorrow about paying them(damn that puts off shopping for about a month)-and I....well I am going to be pissed off about everything tomorrow because that is the person that I am slowly becoming. Ah yes, a very bitter young lady I am now. So much for the optimistic Erica that once existed. Mad props and thanks to Isaiah Swart for contributing to the phenomenal transformation of the bitter Erica. Gee Isaiah that was your trait not mine. Oh well. I am off to do bigger and better things now, like sleep. Peace and Hairgrease mo fos and good night to all of my homie G funk eras who are funked out with a gangsta twist beeatch!

O dear. I didn't mean to be wrong this time. Usually my "I am high" intuitions are phenomenal. This time it just backfired and I lost at the game. Leo thinks I am crazy(er), Brendan hates me for thinking the wrong thing about his relationship with Shawna, and Shawna won't apologize to either of them for me! Thanks sis. I am not going to Leofaceness' show tonight. Shannon isn't going to come down and I would feel weird going anyway. I sent Leo a few emails apologizing for being a dumb ass! I hope he writes back some positive feedback. Hell, I hope he writes back period!! I like Leo a lot and if I didn't have his friendship because of my own stupidity I would be pisssssed off. I also want Brendan to know that I don't really think that he is a bad person. Oh man! This is the last time I OPEN MY Mouth when I am high and drunk! I need to go. I am very unhappy with myself and there aren't enough words that exist in the human language to make up for what I have said and done! Also I IMed Isaiah. He must think I am even more crazy. On top of that Leo and Isaiah are going to get together and compare crazy Erica stories. I am not very happy about this. Most likely going to cry about this tonight! Gotta go...nite!

Aaron, gone. Jay, soon to be gone. Isaiah, peaced out a long time ago. Now what do I do.
Ah yes, I am going to move home soon so I can get going as far as school goes! Woo-Hoo.
Peacin' out now!

XoXoXoX Blog
-Erica

Just noticed a while ago that I always start my blogs with..."So..." That ends today!! Rah! Anyway. Phone is off, don't know how much I actually care about that though! Shannon and Lynnea are the only two people I NEED to get a hold of anyway. Okay I lied...I need my phone. Right now I feel sort of NAKED WITHOUT IT. Shannon is stopping by my apt though so hopefully she can bring me to the mall to take care of it : ( I gotta go. Soon communication will completely be cut off and I will cry like a very large baby!!!!!!!!

So I have done it, but was it a good thing that I have done? Isaiah....don't wanna talk to him anymore. Whatever reasons he has had for ignoring me in the past could be all the right reasons. Siena Guy...who knows. Told him that ignoring each other just might not be that bad of an idea! Aaron. Who knows about him...I asked him to go to lunch today. His parents just got back from Italy today and he called me to cancel because he would be having lunch with them today. Truth? Perhaps. Also, maybe not. I won't know. Sick of this crap by now too. Guys are truly starting to suck...too bad I like dick so much. HAHAHA! Well I am off for the day, until I return later(maybe).

So this time I am not to sure what I back for again...I am guessing that because I have thought about Aaron all day that this is what brings me back eh? So I like him and this time there is no doubt about it! I am not by any means saying that he is "the one" but I do know that he is the one who I want around me at least for the time being. Apple picking, going out, walks around Albany, walking the dogs....and what now? Am I to let all of this go or am I supposed to wait for him to realize the same things that I have already realized about him? Shannon took my advice and decided that she is going to use blogger also....good for her. I am starting to read more books now and I am am pretty much reading a book a day, and by the way......NONE OF THIS MATTERS! All day I want to call Aaron and I want to tell him how I feel and what I think and all of these thoughts are for him. I haven't seen him since Friday night when I made a fool of myself which he has apparently forgiven me for (given that I did seem as a fool to him) and I can move onto the next step being....DAMN I have no clue what this next step is. Does he like me? Doesn't he like me? Racking my brain from day to day. I talked to him last night but I got off of the phone before he had a chance to say anything that I would regret...or like I guess. Well Aaron Shapiro has certainly come and done something to my life this time as opposed to the way that everyone else has come at some point and time and slightly jerked my ropes. Well I am sure I am going to talk to Shannon about this later on tonight. She and I are going to "handle" this bottle of wine that just continues to call me name...Alright. I am off to see the Wizard. Or at least my couch for a small nap <3

When we were strangers, I watched you from afar, When we were lovers, I loved you with all my heart. So now how is it that one fights off all of the things that they have always fought for? There are times when one gets caught up entirely in the moment, primarily because they have feelings intertwined in it. One day comes when they realize that if they continue to fight for something that is fighting against them, then they have wasted a lifetime on heart ache that can never be retrieved. Love is a funny little subject. Love is in all different shades of colors and it comes from all different walks of life. It comes in different sized boxes. Love exits in friendship, in lovers, in parents, in siblings, in enemies, in objects, in theory. We all continue to live our own lives connected to whatever love we choose. Some of us in all of them, and some of us in few, perhaps few in none. If the times we have chosen to hold onto have hurt us more than taken us in, then why not say farewell to the things which in turn have said farewell to us. It is time for me to decide what is more imprtant. My living the present dragged in by the past, or my living every day in hopes that I, myself, will be bringing to myself a hope that can only be achieved by my own willingness to live. My willingness to live the life that others, and myself at times, have chosen to disregard. This is my time, my chance, my life. My turn to do things no one has told me to do. To live in love and learn from it.

So now what am I to do? I am trying to be just plain ol' me without fucking this up greatly! I like Aaron. I think I may have messed everything up by telling him but at the same time....I DUNNO! He is good looking, sweet, smart, witty, interesting, and above all he is perfect for the time. He is Erica's ideal boyfriend for right now. I am hoping that I don't screw this up too!!! If I do mess this one up, then I can count on waiting another 2-3 years to find another "Aaron in the rough" haha. So let's see....Isaiah is ignoring me.....Good for him. Jay is not responding, although I already know that he is usually at work when I IM him...O yes and I will hear from him on Friday or Saturday night anyway! Mike works at the Lionheart and I think he really likes me....but I do not know if he is my type...not that, of all people, I have one. Fizzy AKA Amin likes me or at least pretends to like me because he wants to get into my pants, I may never know. Let me see if there is anyone else to add to this list. Hmm....Uh...Mmm...Nope that sums it up until next week when I have somehow attached another 4 guys to my hip....I am good at that. Well I am leaning towards Aaron, but right now this is his decision to make, so I must wait! :* (