Aaron, gone. Jay, soon to be gone. Isaiah, peaced out a long time ago. Now what do I do.
Ah yes, I am going to move home soon so I can get going as far as school goes! Woo-Hoo.
Peacin' out now!

XoXoXoX Blog
-Erica

Just noticed a while ago that I always start my blogs with..."So..." That ends today!! Rah! Anyway. Phone is off, don't know how much I actually care about that though! Shannon and Lynnea are the only two people I NEED to get a hold of anyway. Okay I lied...I need my phone. Right now I feel sort of NAKED WITHOUT IT. Shannon is stopping by my apt though so hopefully she can bring me to the mall to take care of it : ( I gotta go. Soon communication will completely be cut off and I will cry like a very large baby!!!!!!!!

So I have done it, but was it a good thing that I have done? Isaiah....don't wanna talk to him anymore. Whatever reasons he has had for ignoring me in the past could be all the right reasons. Siena Guy...who knows. Told him that ignoring each other just might not be that bad of an idea! Aaron. Who knows about him...I asked him to go to lunch today. His parents just got back from Italy today and he called me to cancel because he would be having lunch with them today. Truth? Perhaps. Also, maybe not. I won't know. Sick of this crap by now too. Guys are truly starting to suck...too bad I like dick so much. HAHAHA! Well I am off for the day, until I return later(maybe).

So this time I am not to sure what I back for again...I am guessing that because I have thought about Aaron all day that this is what brings me back eh? So I like him and this time there is no doubt about it! I am not by any means saying that he is "the one" but I do know that he is the one who I want around me at least for the time being. Apple picking, going out, walks around Albany, walking the dogs....and what now? Am I to let all of this go or am I supposed to wait for him to realize the same things that I have already realized about him? Shannon took my advice and decided that she is going to use blogger also....good for her. I am starting to read more books now and I am am pretty much reading a book a day, and by the way......NONE OF THIS MATTERS! All day I want to call Aaron and I want to tell him how I feel and what I think and all of these thoughts are for him. I haven't seen him since Friday night when I made a fool of myself which he has apparently forgiven me for (given that I did seem as a fool to him) and I can move onto the next step being....DAMN I have no clue what this next step is. Does he like me? Doesn't he like me? Racking my brain from day to day. I talked to him last night but I got off of the phone before he had a chance to say anything that I would regret...or like I guess. Well Aaron Shapiro has certainly come and done something to my life this time as opposed to the way that everyone else has come at some point and time and slightly jerked my ropes. Well I am sure I am going to talk to Shannon about this later on tonight. She and I are going to "handle" this bottle of wine that just continues to call me name...Alright. I am off to see the Wizard. Or at least my couch for a small nap <3

When we were strangers, I watched you from afar, When we were lovers, I loved you with all my heart. So now how is it that one fights off all of the things that they have always fought for? There are times when one gets caught up entirely in the moment, primarily because they have feelings intertwined in it. One day comes when they realize that if they continue to fight for something that is fighting against them, then they have wasted a lifetime on heart ache that can never be retrieved. Love is a funny little subject. Love is in all different shades of colors and it comes from all different walks of life. It comes in different sized boxes. Love exits in friendship, in lovers, in parents, in siblings, in enemies, in objects, in theory. We all continue to live our own lives connected to whatever love we choose. Some of us in all of them, and some of us in few, perhaps few in none. If the times we have chosen to hold onto have hurt us more than taken us in, then why not say farewell to the things which in turn have said farewell to us. It is time for me to decide what is more imprtant. My living the present dragged in by the past, or my living every day in hopes that I, myself, will be bringing to myself a hope that can only be achieved by my own willingness to live. My willingness to live the life that others, and myself at times, have chosen to disregard. This is my time, my chance, my life. My turn to do things no one has told me to do. To live in love and learn from it.

So now what am I to do? I am trying to be just plain ol' me without fucking this up greatly! I like Aaron. I think I may have messed everything up by telling him but at the same time....I DUNNO! He is good looking, sweet, smart, witty, interesting, and above all he is perfect for the time. He is Erica's ideal boyfriend for right now. I am hoping that I don't screw this up too!!! If I do mess this one up, then I can count on waiting another 2-3 years to find another "Aaron in the rough" haha. So let's see....Isaiah is ignoring me.....Good for him. Jay is not responding, although I already know that he is usually at work when I IM him...O yes and I will hear from him on Friday or Saturday night anyway! Mike works at the Lionheart and I think he really likes me....but I do not know if he is my type...not that, of all people, I have one. Fizzy AKA Amin likes me or at least pretends to like me because he wants to get into my pants, I may never know. Let me see if there is anyone else to add to this list. Hmm....Uh...Mmm...Nope that sums it up until next week when I have somehow attached another 4 guys to my hip....I am good at that. Well I am leaning towards Aaron, but right now this is his decision to make, so I must wait! :* (

So now I have no clue how to handle this one...Never actually pursued after liking. It has usually always been pursued and then liked. Se lets see, I haven't had this kind of a feeling since H.S. Weird. So A.S. is a great pick here but I am very scared of how I am to handle things...I like him and I think I like him so much that I am afraid of losing him in the end due to stupidity or whatever else may come over me....I guess I am asking for a favor from the Serenity Prayer...
"'God' grant me the serenity, to except the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Thank you.....and goodnight

So now I have no clue how to handle this one...Never actually pursued after liking. It has usually always been pursued and then liked. Se lets see, I haven't had this kind of a feeling since H.S. Weird. So A.S. is a great pick here but I am very scared of how I am to handle things...I like him and I think I like him so much that I am afraid of losing him in the end due to stupidity or whatever else may come over me....I guess I am asking for a favor from the Serenity Prayer...
"'God' grant me the serenity, to except the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Thank you.....and goodnight

Isaiah. Assmuncher. Dick. Thats about all for today

So here I am...it is another day and I am trying to return to my blog haven. I talked to him yesterday. It was odd, I know of all people I shouldn't say odd because I may be the oddest of them all. Apparently odd is the word of the sentence eh? So I wanna give him a name....I should give them all names huh? So I usually talk about Siena Guy....now I am talking about the usual suspect....thats what I will name him. So I talked to him for the first time in about 8 months yesterday. Xs ya know. We being "usual" and I always go through these phases. He is actually online right now but I wouldn't know what to say to him...I can't possibly be honest because I still miss the big lug...haha....lug. So I told him he intimidates me. It is true though. He is very driven and focused....I on the other hand am definitely a free spirit as they like to say and by they I mean me. I told him I feel like I am in his shadow all of the time. Sucks...should have never said that huh? I mean really WHO SAYS THAT?!?! Dun Dun Dun...(shannon in the background-da da da da da). So I miss him, he talks to me, I fall for him, he starts to fall for me, something happens and we have a falling out and we don't talk until the next year....GEES "usual" WTF is wrong with you eh? Yea I am apparently Canadian with these ehs all up in this piece. So no one even reads these. You think I would actually let people I know have access to the things I think and feel? No most definitely not. So now I am stuck wondering where I go from here...My Angel cards aren't going to tell me that he wants me to stay the hell away right? So I am screwed and left to deal with life all over again...ALONE! So he told me to go back to school....NO SHIT SUSPECT! Working on that I just don't really wanna do it here though...Albany sucks at life. The website got it right man. Well I am off to stare at the "usual suspect's" screen name online and wish I had the guts to fucking say something more....Peace bloggy blog!